A4 : Tutor’s comments, response and changes on 2nd reworked version

Tutor’s comments, response and changes on 2nd reworked version

1.Tutor’s second lot of comments

We had a quick chat about your rework of Assignment 4. I observed the following:

  • I enjoy the way in which you have divided the piece into three parts (triptych). The first section is medical – clinical images, presented within a PPT by a clinician (be explicit about this in your supporting statement). The next chapters include more ambiguous images – the artist is teased out of the medical professional. You may consider removing the image where your subject is sat in a car holding a phone. It is a direct illustration of what is being said (too much repetitive information).
  • I enjoy the pauses/the beginning of the chapters. The text here needs refining. Rather than large, type in the centre of the frame consider using a smaller font, which sits to the bottom right of the page. I was thinking about book layout, when critiquing this. You may find this a useful reference as you experiment here. Perhaps white or cream slides and grey (sot neutral) text. I also recommend removing the slide where you fade in the terms your narrator is using, again too much information. Again, it is too literal (a direct description of what is said).
  • The end needs looking at (the bit after the imagery has finished) – you mentioned this is a mistake.

Well done for revising this. As a result, it is a stronger piece.

In terms of a critical framework you may find the following book useful: Stillness and Time: Photography and the Moving Image edited by David Campany. The book is a collection of essays by photographic and film theorists and it considers the changing relationship between the still and moving image.

2. Responses

  • You may consider removing the image where your subject is sat in a car holding a phone. It is a direct illustration of what is being said (too much repetitive information). Agree
  • I enjoy the pauses/the beginning of the chapters. The text here needs refining. Rather than large, type in the centre of the frame consider using a smaller font, which sits to the bottom right of the page. I was thinking about book layout, when critiquing this. You may find this a useful reference as you experiment here. Perhaps white or cream slides and grey (sot neutral) text. I also recommend removing the slide where you fade in the terms your narrator is using, again too much information. Again, it is too literal (a direct description of what is said). Yes, I can see that. I may select something within the frame but not the phone.
  • The end needs looking at (the bit after the imagery has finished) – you mentioned this is a mistake. I agree – I was conscious of that.

In terms of a critical framework you may find the following book useful: Stillness and Time: Photography and the Moving Image edited by David Campany. The book is a collection of essays by photographic and film theorists and it considers the changing relationship between the still and moving image.

I liked a summary of this work and will use some of the ideas (moving images produce a sense of this is happening now and not this is the past – immediacy) in my final write-up.

https://www.academia.edu/5697845/STILLNESS_AND_TIME_PHOTOGRAPHY_AND_THE_MOVING_IMAGE_EDITED_BY_DAVID_GREEN_AND_JOANNA_LOWRY_DESIGNED_BY_LOUP

3. Changes made

I am much happier with the slide show as the story is coherent from its parts. I will tidy up as outlined above and resubmit the video and text for final submission. I learnt a lesson here – sometimes a simple idea is better than a more complex one. I also found it easier to photograph ‘nothing’ to suggest ‘something’ and I thank my tutor Moira Lovell and Uta Barth for their encouragement and inspiration.